Tech Support Charges

It has been 10 years since I stopped doing professional tech support. So here's some new policy for calling me with tech support issues:

• If you're one of my grandparents, none of this applies to you - we have (or will work out our own arrangements)
• If you work for my employer, and this is an emergency issue, and I'm on call, you're in luck, they pay me to fix your issue, though be ready to hear that it might have to wait until morning.

Otherwise:

• +$80/hour, 1 hour minimum, 15min intervals after the first hour
• +$5/mile if I have to actually drive to your house to fix it
• +$50 if there is an error, I google the exact error message, and the solution is on the first page of results (an extra +$50 if it's in the top 3 non-paid results)
• +$50 if you wake me up. My alarm goes off at 4:30 every morning, I need what sleep I can get (an extra +$50 if it's not an emergency)
• +$50 if it's your own fault and you should have known better
• +$50 if there is no way I could know the answer ("what's my password")
• +$100 if there is a free help desk included with the service and you haven't even attempted to call it (if you tell me you have, and I have to call them, I will ask, and that will cost you another $250 for -really- wasting my time if you lied to me about calling)
• +$50/device involved, if I have to actually tell you to restart or turn it off and back on again and that solves the issue

There's a chance that I'll just tell you how to fix it and will wave some or even all of the fees, it depends on multiple factors, including your history as a client. This is not a joke, if you get a bill from me listing charges at the above rates, I fully expect payment.

Rates subject to change.